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HUMOROSCOPE
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions.
Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate
you but you couldn't
care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a
wedding
TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most
endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people
because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of
duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic
schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd
kill them self to win a bet.
CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making
money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's
limbs to buy a
mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing
to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a
garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are
living on the welfare.
VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy
them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap
bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo
women are whores.
LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This
makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a
complete prick out of
you. Nobody will go to your funeral.
SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However
these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and
love picking your
nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.
SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of
the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex
toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase
your odds for a romp in the sack.
CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type.
A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best
friend is probably
an altar boy.
AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working
in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at
the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a
Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.
PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any
situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream
world. Most people consider you to
be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're
a prick.
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